I’m 42 and think it’s safe to say my midlife crisis is over. If I had to pinpoint the exact moment, it was probably the realisation that nobody’s ever going to be sent back in time to kill me – the first genuinely positive thought about the future I’ve had since 2007.
Yes, it’s great to be positive, like how sure I am Eurovision was rigged. No, not the Eastern bloc voting, or even the Nordics, but the order of the voting – deliberately chosen so Russia would get its hopes up at the halfway stage that it might actually win. Who said Austrians don’t have a sense of humour (well now, everybody).
Friends and no friends
It was like a freak reverse game of ‘Deal or no Deal’ in which Russia found all its high amounts straightaway. But unlike that program and Facebook, there’s a limit to how many fake friends you can have, and soon the only lot left were countries with no strategic reasons to give a toss. And Georgia.
God bless you, Georgia. I did a cossack dance when you gave your former landlord-turned-invader five points, but ended up looking more like Fagin in Oliver! – apt as I was counting my winnings from backing Sweden with a verve that would have made the miser proud.
Only one direction
Twelve hours later I was setting up a family flea market on Copenhagen Marathon day just down the road from where we live. We had high hopes for our DVDs, books and One Direction collection, but six hours later, the only direction most of it went was straight back to ours.
If only it’d been a case of being out of styles (yeah, I’m hip), but I’ve got to say that the public do their best to make it unrewarding. (Note to certain neighbours: trying to shift items for 600 kroner didn’t help anyone).
After all, these punters are walking down our street! But do they stop … no, not even at the stall run by the cutest children in Vesterbro (maybe the pigtails was overdoing it).
Differentiate … or die
People, you need to differentiate between career stall-holders with the same old crap and someone just trying to get rid of their clutter (aka fools soon to be parted). I witnessed a woman berating a ten-year-old for not having MobilePay like she’d just been short-changed in Magasin. She was ten years old … you could have bought the lot for a family pack of Twix.
Anyhow, it’s a bit late for me to learn from a beginner’s guide to navigating flea markets, but that shouldn’t put the rest of you off from giving Kids Corner (G12) a whirl. And remember what I said about trying not to be an arsehole to children. You heard me, lady.
City’s a stage/rave
Elsewhere, we’re pleased to see the theatre festival Cph Stage making a welcome return to the capital. G3 is completely dedicated to productions suitable for non-Danish speakers (from the likes of Vivienne McKee and Republique), while G10 has the details of a special theatrical flea market.
There was never any doubt our depraved younger brother Distortion (G10 – see this week’s cover story to explain why we’re siblings) would return, and with close to 250,000 likely to attend at least one event, it’s reached a point when you’ve got to ask what the other 1.35 million people in the Capital Region are doing instead. There’s something to think about for next year, Mr Fleurquin.
Fair-weather friend in need
Is Sankt Hans Aften (G11) more popular? Probably, providing it doesn’t rain! In which case, miss it at your peril. Remember your best bet is to angle for an invite to a private affair. A few subtle hints about being lonely at work might do it.
Copenhell (G10), the biennial Copenhagen Comics (G11) and the always joyous Summer Dance (G11) are also all worth looking out for.
But will any of them beat Georgia giving Russia five in Eurovision? Not really likely, is it.