An Actor’s Life: Palpable frustration - The Post

An Actor’s Life: Palpable frustration

Independent of the fascists, fanatics and flatulence (photo: Azerifactory)
May 25th, 2019 6:00 am| by Ian Burns

With the General Election in Denmark comes the televised party leader debates – virtual chaos as 12 politicians clamber for their turn to share the mic with Danish PM Lars Løkke Rasmussen.

Too much balance
This goodwill to give all the parties an equal opportunity can backfire in these increasingly populist times.

Recently I heard that BBC News is committed to being even “more balanced” with its coverage of politics, and I dread to see how that manifests itself.

It was my impression that the corporation was already cutting corners in its bid to have so-called experts representing both sides of the argument for the sake of balance.

Brexit was an obvious example, with dodgy Nigel Farage, one of the orchestrators of the vote through his long-term leadership of UKIP (UK Independence Party), in constant demand.

I fear for the future of English politics if his like is allowed to continue to dominate our airwaves for the sake of balance.

Poisonous Paludan
Not to be outdone here, in one of the happiest countries in the world, we have a new Danish nationalist-nutter to spill your milkshake over. His name is Rasmus Paludan.

Such is the respect of the media for all electable politicians, you can see the montage now, starting with a close-up of Mrs Paludan saying: “He was a very lovely lad when he was a boy, but he was never the same after we dropped him on his head.”

Why does the taxpayer have to pay for his police protection when he spouts his poison in public? Surely he can find his own sponsors to advertise on his shirt, so we can all see where he gets his funding from. Imagine if all politicians had to do that?

I said “bus stop”!
Envisage a different report, this time with a voiceover from a BBC newsreader.

“With each passing flatulent-filled minute, Brexit continues to drive the nation mad with boredom and anxiety, and the frustration felt by many is palpable. People are falling asleep on their way to work, arguing on the street, mishearing backstop every time someone says bus stop …”

Cut to vox pop with Ian Burns, a hairy 60-plus Scot based in Copenhagen.

“Wave after wave of incensed injustice is beginning to surge down from that bit at the top of the map of the disunited queendom called Scotland, and English arrogance will no longer be able to stop the tide towards the inevitability of Scottish independence. Many Scots who can’t vote anywhere can’t wait to get their hands on a Scottish and European passport.”

Time for a clean-up
Sadly, though, there are more important issues at hand.

My selfish generation has stupidly destroyed the planet. I apologise. We have sucked its resources dry in record time to increase our profits. Incessant greed has won over common sense.

We’ve shamelessly brushed nuclear waste under the carpet for future generations to clear up, but the profits have not been shared. They’re simply stored away in tax havens by the obscenely rich, who have already built massive underground bunkers with access to clean water, livestock, sex-slaves and air-filters in anticipation of the total chaos that might come.

They’ll need people to care for their every need, so a few of us might be chosen and, like the subservient fools we are, we’ll just tug our forelocks and be bloody grateful.

Many extinct species are already calling to us from their graves, and more will soon follow, but there’s still the hope that this younger generation will demand cleaner politics for a cleaner world for everyone.

Ian Burns

A resident here since 1990, Ian Burns is the artistic director at That Theatre Company and very possibly Copenhagen’s best known English language actor thanks to roles as diverse as Casanova, Shakespeare and Tony Hancock.