Crazier than Christmas: What we need is balls! – The Post

Crazier than Christmas: What we need is balls!

Altogether now America: “You’re fired!”
April 2nd, 2016 7:00 pm| by Vivienne McKee
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Watching Donald Trump on the TV screen these days makes me wonder how he ever got so far? Not only is he a maniac who rants endless political garbage, but he is also a man. Hillary is the better choice and not least because she is a
woman.

Cannier, capable, courageous
It was International Women’s Day recently and I was depressed to discover how few women there are in influential positions in politics, business and finance. Especially as recent surveys put us girls way above guys when it comes to nearly every essential quality needed for executive management.



There are the obvious ones, like multi-tasking. I mean how many men do you know who can cook spaghetti, talk on the telephone and change a nappy at the same time? There is a hilarious video on Facebook of a man trying to put a nappy on his baby. He tries valiantly to humour the child and deal with the fidgeting and the accompanying smells. He retches his way through the whole ordeal and finally ends up vomiting – fortunately off-camera.

No squeams or screams
Experiencing pain is something we women also cope with better than men. For a start, we have to pop a bowling ball out of our vagina every time we give birth and it has been proven that women can on average hold their hands in freezing water 19 percent longer than crybaby men.

Then there are the other qualities associated with good leadership – like being calm. Women’s brains secrete more oxytocin then male brains, which means we handle stressful situations better.

In fact, the Russian authorities have begun switching to female-dominated police forces because women’s superior psychological, communication and negotiation skills make them better at handling volatile situations.

Can you imagine a Miss Donna Trump screaming at protesters: “Get ‘em outta here! If you wanna punch ‘em, go ahead! I’ll pay yer legal expenses.”

Hormonally safer
Trump may be one of the world’s richest men, but he didn’t make a dollar of it. He inherited his wealth and he’s been bankrupt a few times.

Women are better at making money than men. Female investors get a higher return on their investments, because testosterone impels men to take unnecessary risks.

Women make better doctors than men because they are better at listening and remembering. Why can’t men remember to put the toilet seat down? Women have better memories than men, and that gap widens with age.

Equality = superiority
The bottom line is that once women started demanding equal rights, their IQ scores not only caught up with men’s, they surpassed them. And we are even better drivers! Men are more likely to die in a car crash than female drivers and more pedestrians are killed by male drivers.

But you don’t need to be able to put a toilet seat down to run a country or a bank. Only 2 percent of chief executives of the top 500 companies in the world are women.

But now Hillary may become the president of the United States. She has something that she is highly criticised for having. And that is balls. But maybe what the world needs is for men to be more like women and for women to be more like men.

Vivienne McKee


Vivienne McKee, Denmark’s best-known English entertainer, is this country’s most beloved foreign import. Over the last 34 years, hundreds of thousands of Copenhageners have enjoyed her annual Crazy Christmas Cabaret show at Tivoli, marvelling at her unique, wry Anglo wit and charm.