Did you know that the average Dane spends three percent of their life watching children unwrap presents? And a further one percent looking for the end of the sellotape Â– itÂ’s like the rolls these days have a secret formula that renders it invisible so you have to buy the dispenser, which ironically has a jagged steel blade, exactly what youÂ’re looking for in your frustration to end it all.
Sellotape is actually a brand that – like Hoover, Phillips screwdrivers, and rather bizarrely butterscotch and heroin (Bayer AG was the trademark owner) Â– has become genericised in Britain but not many other places. ItÂ’s called scotch tape in America, presumably because trying to find the end leads to you reaching for the whisky.
While most people regard Xmas as a time to make merry with the family, I see it as a celebration that I wonÂ’t have to locate, buy, unravel or unpeel another roll of sellotape until somebody with an imagination bypass suggests having a Secret Santa at the next Christmas party or that infernal dice game, which I have learnt to cheat at, just so I can destroy all the presents without unwrapping them.