Sidsel Byskov Hansen has a background in Sociology and is a qualified Psychology Counsellor. She is the founder of Expat Counselling, which began as a private expatriate counselling clinic in Moscow in 2015 when Sidsel was expatriated from Denmark to Moscow.
Kirsten Baldocchi is a qualified psychologist originally from South Africa, who relocated to Denmark in 2023. She has a history of working in healthcare and educational settings, as well as her own private psychological practice.
Kids’ behaviour changes can be confusing for parents, but it can take time for children to process and adjust to emigration.
Here are 6 red flags which may suggest that your child is struggling, and what you can do to support them.
Anxiety and fear of separation from caregivers
Children may express feeling more nervous or worried than usual or may complain of headaches or stomach aches.
They may be more clingy than usual and may show excessive fear or become upset when separated from or anticipating separation from attachment figures.
In older children this may also be expressed as feeling “on edge” or overwhelmed.
School refusal
A move to a new school or country may trigger increased feelings of anxiety around going to school.
They may be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, or feel pressured to learn in a certain way.
This may show itself in not wanting to get up and get ready for school, saying they can’t go, worrying a lot about small issues, feeling sick before school, not doing schoolwork, or grades dropping, or being angry, upset or acting out – at school or at home.
In some cases, this may result in frequent absenteeism.
Tearfulness and low mood
Children may not always be able to verbally express their feelings of sadness, but signs of depressed mood may include increased tearfulness, decreased participation in activities the child previously enjoyed as well as isolating themselves from family and friends.
Some children may express feeling hopeless or an inability to feel joy or pleasure.
Sleep or appetite disturbances
Children struggling with adjustment issues may experience sleep disruptions, including having difficulties falling asleep at night, waking frequently during the night, or experiencing nightmares.
They may also show changes in their eating habits, such as a decreased appetite, feeling nauseous or avoiding certain foods.
In some cases they may begin to eat more than usual, or crave certain foods.
Concentration difficulties
Some children may experience changes in their ability to focus and concentrate, and may find it more difficult to make decisions and to remember information.
This may impact on their learning and academic achievement.
Emotional instability and anger
Children may appear more irritable than usual, or may present with uncharacteristic outbursts of anger including temper tantrums, aggressive outbursts, engaging in risk or self-destructive behaviours, as well as defying or disobeying parents and other authority figures.
They may also experience conflict with friends, or have difficulty making friends.
Not easy to deal with emigration or relocation
Difficulties with adjustment are common in children and adolescents as they don’t yet have the skills to appropriately cope with major life events, such as emigration or relocation.
Sometimes symptoms can fluctuate in response to different stressors or events, which may also confuse parents when their child has some good days and some bad days.
The good news is that, in most cases, these symptoms will dissipate within six months following the relocation, especially with parental patience, support and encouragement.
However, adjustment difficulties can become chronic problems if left untreated. Here are some tips to assist parents in supporting their children through the adjustment process.
What you can do to support your child with adjustments
Make time to connect and be present with your child.
Create familiar routines and family traditions (e.g., favourite meals, Friday movie night).
Facilitate a connection with your child’s school by communicating with their teacher and participating within the school community.
Go on adventures and explore your new environment and country together as a family.
Facilitate building relationships between your child and their peers by arranging playdates.
It is normal for the process of adjustment to relocation to take time.
Many families are mentally prepared for the first few months to be difficult, but you can expect that after 6 months your child will feel more at ease in their new surroundings.
However it can take up to a year for some children to feel more settled depending on their age, personality and how they respond to change.
If you are concerned about your child, seeking assistance from an expert in supporting families can help not only your child, but can also provide guidance and advice to you as a parent through this challenging yet rewarding transition.
What is Expat Counselling?
Since 2015 Expat Counselling offers online and in person psychological support for individuals, couples and families who live abroad.
Expat Counselling offers a range of psychological and well-being services tailored for expatriates, highly skilled employees, their families, and associated organizations.
