I went to the pharmacy. Outside, someone had knocked over a parked bike. A man passing by stopped, picked it up, and carefully put it back in place—without hesitation, without expecting a thank you. Inside, I grabbed a number for the queue, juggling my kids and the thought that we were already late for a birthday party. Just then, a woman ahead of me turned and offered her number instead. “You look like you need it more than I do,” she said with a smile.

Small moments, but they say a lot about Denmark. There’s an unspoken rule here: we help each other. People are expected to participate, contribute, and take responsibility—not just for themselves, but for the community.

A society that runs on trust and responsibility

Denmark is often ranked as one of the world’s happiest countries. A big reason for that is trust. From the workplace to the streets, Danes assume the best in each other. They believe that if everyone contributes, society works better for all.

You see this everywhere:

• Parents leave their babies outside in strollers because they trust others won’t take them.
• Lost wallets are often returned with the cash still inside.
• Taxes are high, but most people don’t mind—because they believe the system works when everyone plays their part.

This mindset fosters a strong sense of community and responsibility. If you help out, you’re respected. If you don’t contribute, people might not say anything—but you’ll feel it.

The challenge: in-group vs. out-group

But there’s a flipside. Denmark’s strong community bonds also mean there’s a clear distinction between who’s “in” and who’s “out.”

Psychologists call this in-group vs. out-group thinking. It’s a natural human tendency: we trust and favor those who are part of our group, sometimes without realizing it. In Denmark, the in-group is often defined by shared cultural norms and ways of behaving – and to some extent also on how you look (which, defiantly, is not fair, but it is true). 

This is why foreigners sometimes feel that, while Danes are helpful, breaking into social circles takes time. It’s not about intentional exclusion, the Danes’ self-perception of Danish culture is that we are social, friendly and have a lot to offer culturally. The minute they realise they are excluding others, most people would feel shame. It really isn’t a conscious behavior when it happens. It is unawareness. 

Cracking the code: How to become part of the Danish “in-group”

The good news? It is possible to integrate—but it requires active participation.

My dark-skinned father, who arrived in Denmark from the Caribbean in 1962, did all he could to assimilate. He genuinely liked the peaceful and harmonious Denmark where he was welcomed. Today, he’s more Danish than the Danes. Why? Because he embraced the Danish way of engaging in society. He learned the language, worked hard, and adopted the mindset. And it did work for his personality. It might not be for others.

You can argue that assimilation, like my father did, does not leave much room for diversity. I would agree. But it is as it is. Some people are dedicated to opening the minds of the Danes in this respect; it might take some time. 

So, I would argue that it is better to see it for what it is, to align expectations and reflect on if it is something that you would like to do. 

For newcomers, the key is to get involved.

• Join local activities: Whether it’s a sports club, parent group, or volunteering, participation is the fastest way to be seen as part of the group.
• Learn the unwritten rules: Danes value humility, harmony, efficiency, and directness. Understanding these cultural cues helps you connect.
• Be patient: It takes time to earn trust. But once you do, Danish friendships run deep.

What this means for you

If you’re new to Denmark and struggling to feel included, remember: the intention behind the Danish community spirit is good. It’s built on mutual respect and trust. The challenge is understanding how to step inside that circle.

It might take time, but once you’re in, you’ll see it for what it truly is: a society where people look out for each other—not because they have to, but because they believe it’s the right thing to do.

*Josefine Campbell is an author, speaker, and executive coach. Photo: Lars Schmidt