Inside this week | My star sign is cancer

Symptoms of cancer are like horoscopes. You have a persistent cough/you’re going to meet a mysterious stranger; you suffer occasional dizziness/somebody is going to make an announcement; some mornings, you struggle to make it out of bed/you’re going to die. It always sounds so feasible.

(By the way, this might be a good opportunity to reply to the Indian astrologer who keeps on emailing me about writing a column. Please desist – I’ve resisted replying, presuming you would already know my answer, but enough is enough.)

Cancer, getting it and dying from it, is something the Danes do really well, which might explain why the CTC has chosen Calendar Girls as its latest production – either that or it was the chance to see six gorgeous women get their kit off for a good cause, which will involve a percentage of the proceeds being donated to Rigshospitalet.

Posing nude to celebrate life: it’s not a bad way to be remembered, is it? The performance dance piece Traces looks at this very issue: what we leave behind. In the performers’ case, it’s an unresolved career in the circus as we are treated to some pretty spectacular acrobatics.

Could be worse: history might remember you as the Horse Whisperer, which sounds a bit creepy, like he’s probably got a cousin (who he probably married) called the Horse Fiddler. Couldn’t he have chosen a cooler animal? Like a rhino. The Rhino Whisperer: that’s a film I’d pay good money to see.

Elsewhere, our health continues to be the dominant theme this week – particularly for men. They can first of all discover the cause of the autumnal angst eating away inside them at this time of year, and then switch over for two cures: shopping to restore your hygge and visiting the Healthy Lifestyle Fair.

Not sure there will be any handy tips for avoiding the enigma that is the Big C. When you weigh up all the health advice out there, you’re probably no worse off consulting your horoscope.