Inside this week | The conspiracy of spring, indeed

Has a performance with a more timely name ever appeared in this city before? The Conspiracy of Spring (see G2 for details of this martials arts-inspired performance dance piece) … cue Al Pacino in The Godfather III: “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

But in all honesty, it’s not like this hasn’t happened before. If you thought your positive thinking mumbo-jumbo, daffodil party and putting your winter coat in storage was going to drive away the nasty winter, then you were wrong … again.  

It happens every year. In this very column in mid-April 2012, not March, I had to address this very subject. I will repeat: “Denmark is a country of just two seasons: winter and summer.” Spring does not exist, and you’ll know when summer’s here, as you’ll have a violent allergic reaction to birch pollen.  

Worst of all are my writers: maniacs the lot of them. You could assign them a piece on an indoor sport and they’ll still find a way of putting ‘spring’ in the first sentence. They write the copy on a rare pleasant day, but by the time the issue hits the streets, it’s snowing again.

So I’m not buying any spring conspiracy, although there must be more than meets the eye regarding DMI’s uncanny inability to predict the weather. It’s spooky, like their ineptitude is actually part of a plot to shoot the president.

No, a more pressing conspiracy came to mind when I saw the subject of this week’s Select Shopping: pastries (G9). It reminded me how I had moved here in 2003 and excitedly expected there to be pecan and maple Danish pastries in every cake shop. There weren’t. But fast-forward ten years, and they’re everywhere, sometimes doused in chocolate. So what happened there, then?   It’s like JFK all over again, but with pastries not patsies.  

My point is that the suppliers make some really strange decisions about what consumers like. I could reel off a list, but I’ll just name two: Ritter Sport chocolate bars and Lays cheese and onion crisps. The former discontinue their most popular bars, while the latter is rarely available at the supermarket − in both cases, I’ve seen how quickly they sell out compared to the ones Mormor’s liked since she was a girl.

But in the end, like spring, you just have to accept it and move on.