Inside This Month: Take That fits Eurovision like a rubber glove

back in 2009, the British public named Take That as their dream entry in the Eurovision Song Contest (see for details). 

Strikes me as a canny choice as Eurovision has always been a bit camp (I remember making some easy money betting on Dana International at 8/1 in 1998) and Take That spent their formative years playing in gay clubs.

Which, come to think of it, was a bit strange, like their manager Nigel Martin–Smith must have said: “Stock Aitken Waterman have got it all wrong with Jason and Kylie. This kids thing, it’s just a passing fad. The real money’s at the gay clubs.”

My only conclusion is that he hates gay people. How else can you explain his decision to dress Gary Barlow up in bondage gear? I’ve never given much credence to quacks who can cure homosexuality, but it must have come dangerously close at some of those concerts.

Thank god for Robbie Williams, who was such a cutie back then he could make excrement look sexy. In a well-publicised spat with the singer in 2004, Martin-Smith said the reason Williams was such a mess was that he was gay.

“It’s very telling that none of his relationships with women have lasted,” he told GaydarNation – no, I didn’t make that name up.

“He is now dating another actress in LA. It won’t last. It’s all for show. Deep down he is gay.”

Definitely a first world problem speculating about the sexuality of famous people (but that’s where we live after all), but if society wants kids to grow up and be true to themselves, what hope have they got if the role models aren’t? 

Eurovision darling Cliff Richard, who is definitely not gay but lives with a man, is coming to Copenhagen on May 28 (see G6-7 for our shortlist of the top 16 concerts in town this month). 

Possibly because he’ll sell out again (just like he’s done his entire career since the moment he got on that flipping bus), we’re not previewing his concert, and we also haven’t been able to find room for the Tango Festival (May 28-June 1), the Salsa Festival (May 2-4) and Mikkeller’s Copenhagen Beer Celebration (May 2-3), which this year is being held three weeks before the Copenhagen Beer Festival (G11).

It’s a good month for consumption in general – particularly if you’ve got a sweet tooth. But be warned: our previews of Cake World Nordic (G13), Caked Day (G10) and the best caviar shops in town (G14) will get you so worked up you’ll need something to take the edge off. 

Just like you needed a stiff one after watching Take That back in the day.