How do we survive the loss of summer? From now on, and for the next eight months, the Danish media and everyday conversation is going to be saturated with one thing: the whining about the loss of summer and what it was that we did to deserve this deprivation of sun, nudity and freckles?

Now it’s autumn and the wheels of decay are spinning at full intensity. Everywhere you look, life is withering, dying, and with it a lot of the life-affirming phenomena designed to get mankind through his tedious hours of earthly existence.

One could mention the brightly-coloured flowers, chirping birds, the feeling of warm sand between your toes and so on, but most important of all is that spring and summer is the time when the human specimens of the desired sex reveal skin, throb with pheromones and send dirty looks your way when passing in the street.

That’s the real loss; that’s what’s over now. Everywhere you look, women are covering up. It’s the end of indecent nipple exposure, tanned shoulders are no more, goodbye freckled cheeks, and inviting smiles, farewell.

‘What could be the point of this inhumanity?!’ one cries. But if we have learned just one thing from history, it is that the sky never answers. And that’s all we really want, isn’t it? An answer. Any answer.

So here is a classic answer that gets me through the day, a straw to cling to: the harsh stares, tightly-pressed lips and hidden skin of your desired public space stranger exist to strengthen your moral education. Suffering builds character. Believe it (!) and you can make it through the next eight months without depression or suicidal tendencies – guaranteed. So, stop whining, start suffering.

Den Sorte Skole Fest (Party at the Black School): Featuring both legends and hard hitting newcomers from the Danish rap scene, this is an event you don’t wanna miss, if you’re into gritty beer-smelling hip hop that is – cause this ain’t gonna be pretty!

Studenterhuset 52, Købmagergade 52, Cph K; Oct 12, 20:00-05:00; tickets: 60kr; www.facebook.com/densorteskole/events

ARTMONEY: In an attempt to spread original art, the global art movement ARTMONEY has a set price for all the artworks: 200kr. The gallery will be exhibiting 47 artists displaying 20 works each – a good chance to get your art collection started.

Bredgade 22, Cph K; Oct 14, 14:00-16:00; free adm; regular exhibition runs from Oct 15-31 (12:00-17:00); www.artmoney.org

 

Burlesque Hypnotic: Join the gritty dress-up and enjoy a marvelous contemporary burlesque show complete with DJs and decadence.

Byens Lys, Christiania; Oct 12, 20:00-03:00; tickets 100kr (buy them at Sort Kaffe & Vinyl, Skydebanegade 4, Cph V)

 

Ever since he was old enough to put dirt in his mouth, Erik B Duckert has been attracted to the ground level and below. The attraction of the underground, he says, is that: “When you’re looking at a city from its gutters, you see both the faeces and the silk.” His favourite sewers are those of Copenhagen and in particular those of Nørrebro and Amager, but any place where trash is tossed and skirts are worn, he will want to rest his eyes and say his piece.