“No shitting in the woods” signs the must-have toilet accessory of 2022

The local municipality is struggling to keep up with the demand for the warnings

A tricky manoeuvre … take wind speed into account if you’ve just had a curry (all photos: Natur & Miljø i Aarhus Facebook page)
June 21st, 2022 12:08 pm| by Ben Hamilton

Now, we all know bears like to shit in the woods.

But the same can’t really be said of humans – it’s not like you’re driving through the forest and are suddenly compelled to pull over, pull down and pull out for the sheer enjoyment of it. 

But if nature calls when you’re surrounded by it, it’s the only option! We don’t need signs telling us not to shit in the woods, when the alternative is our car.

Dogs, horses, humans … in that order

Wipe and swipe
The authorities in Riis Skov, a forest near Aarhus, are finding out the hard way that it’s a difficult pastime to signpost against.

Next to its signs warning people not to ride horses or let their dogs run attended (they don’t like shit of any kind), there’s a warning that human faeces will not be tolerated.

And clearly many people have thought “How quaint: that sign would be hilarious hanging up in my toilet.” And they’ve been (wiping and) swiping them. 

They should release it in poster size as well

45 kroner a pilfering … plus labour
So not only are the forest authorities encountering unwelcome visitors – few will argue that leaving soiled paper is organic – they’re also dealing with unsavoury absenteeism, as at least three of the signs have recently been stolen, according to TV2.

“It’s not a big problem yet, but we still have to screw new ones up and employ somebody to do it. A new sign only costs 45 kroner, but the man hours can be expensive,” Kim Gulvad from Aarhus Municipality told the broadcaster.

At only 45 kroner a pop, given the market for the signs, there’s a hefty profit margin waiting to be had if the municipality ever needs to raise some emergency funds.

Really, cutting somebody’s testicles off for pissing on a statue is going a little far

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